Found

I have found myself in an interesting place. If it were possible to be lost then that is where I am. In reality I am not lost but just at a loss. My eyes have darkened and I can’t see what is around me. I can’t see where to place my feet. Not only have I been striped of sight. But I have been striped of the rags that I held so dear. The garments that covered the nakedness of my health and strength, my independence and self-sufficiency have all been striped from me. In my sight they were ever so beautiful, shinny and strong. But they fell so easily as if they were mere Cray paper shreds. So I stand here in deep darkens. I wish with all my heart to pursue the enemy and recover all, but I can not see even him. And I have been striped of strength and boldness. My legs have been weakened and my lungs can no longer draw breath with the strength it would take to pursue.

The beautiful thing about loosing your sight is that your other senses are sharpened. I can hear the Lords voice whispering to my soul,

“Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.”

I know in a deep place that I am not lost. My nakedness is not covered by the darkness, but by the LORD. In this black place I know that in emptiness, in nakedness, and in weakness, I am possessed, by the greatest prize, the I AM.

This is a hard place. This is a beautiful place.

LOST

A few days ago I found myself sitting outside enjoying a beautiful Fresno evening reading a book titled LOST. It's a book about evangelism. I didn't really get to far into the book. I kept thinking about the word LOST.
LOST - in Christianeze it is a term assinged to a person who does not know God and who has not "given" his or her life to the LORD - a person without God. On a more secular level, LOST - not knowing where you are. Not knowing where to go or how to get there. Not in a familiar or safe place and unable to determine how to reach a safe or familiar place.

Everyone feels lost from time to time. Yes, even us high and mighty Christians feel lost. We get disoriented. We loose direction and in those times we often struggle to hear God's voice. As I pondered this it occurred to me that Christians can feel lost but they can never truly be lost no matter how disoriented we get. You see to be LOST we have to be devoid of a safe place. Jesus said that He would never leave us or forsake us. As long as at least one person in the group knows where they are or where they are going, then the group is not lost. So If you are a Christian and you feel lost. Stop. Stop and quiet yourself and wait until God whispers or yells the sweet beautiful words that will clear the fog and bring the understanding that will guide you to the next place.

"Happy" Birthday!

I did it! I made it to my 34th birthday! Ok so, in reality I didn't do anything, God is the one who has so graciously let me enjoy these years. I guess birthdays are a good excuse for reflection, but I have to confess that the only thing going through my head right now is this storm of medical test and the prospect of surgery. I'm not scared of dying. Rather, of pain and of not being the woman of God that I should be. Will I trust in God? Will I be consumed with emotions? The answer to both of those is probably yes.

Well for today, Thank you LORD for another birthday.

Picture Perfect, well almost

I just wanted to try something new. Isn't it beautiful!